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Archive for March, 2008

Hello Fellow Blogers,

This is probley going to either end up my most serious blog yet or the longest one yet. I’ve been really thinking about my life the past few weeks and I was remembering what was really important. I’ve been so obbsessed with money and paying the bills. I almost forgot how the word “Sessie” made me feel.

Its the only word lately that can stop me dead in my tracks and make me wish that I could freeze time. I really miss hanging out with her. Lately she seems like my only friend in the world. Jenn will be 4 this year and it’s sad to think that she’s the only one I can count on to make me smile day in and day out.

Although Jen is not my child I still feel VERY close to her even though we are thousands of miles apart. Hopefully that will change soon. I know that her smile is what keeps me going everyday. I have no idea how long I’ll be in this world but I live to make her smile and I enjoy every one.

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Unwanted Pest

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

My Life has changed some since the last time I was here. And in order for me to deal with it I took some time off and wrapped myself up in two amazing books. In a week in a half I knocked two books off my list. I found myself wide awake this morning even though I fell asleep somewhere around 2 a.m I believe it was. I’ve been up cleaning all morning trying to get my house in order for the house guest that comes later. I guess this is my way of saying sure come on in. Take a look around Yup See Just as I told you I’m just fine without you and I don’t need you here.

I’m supposed to just sit down and talk about my life with someone who never wanted to be there in the first place. He removed himself from the picture and suddenly this is my problem. I don’t even know where to begin. How am I supposed to just sit there and smile and pretend to be nice to someone who never gave a damn about me.Or who has ever made my life easy.

I feel like if I go into anymore details then I’ll sound like an after school lifetime special. And although I’m not one to go into personal details about my life and post it all over the internet I know what my thoughts are and to see them in writing it sort of helps me get a better peice of mind.

I don’t feel like I am a bad person. I do whatever I can for the people I care about. I’ve always been this way. I just feel like certain people are starting to see that now. I am willing to give 100% to someone but only if they are willing to do the same for me.

But back to the afternoon special for a moment here. I don’t have any expectations and I don’t want anything from him. My question is why come back now? He comes in and out whenever he feels it’s the right time. And right now he could not have picked a worse time. But then again I’m not sure it’s just a timeing thing. I think it’s alot more then that. Well I guess this ends it for today

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Books & Idol

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

I don’t really have alot to talk about. Because I’ve been sucked into this book which is amazing and I’m totally loveing it! I have a list of books that I want to read so if anyone has read these please let me know what you think.

The year of The Secret Assignments-Jaclyn Moriarty

Sloppy Firsts-Megan McCafferty

Pride & Prejudice-Jane Austin

Breaking Dawn-Stephanie Meyer

New Moon-Stephanie Meyer

Twilight-Stephanie Meyer

Eclipse-Stephanie Meyer

Don’t Be that Girl-Travis Stork

Second Chance-Jane Green

If you could see me now-Cecelia Ahern

An Abundance of Katherines-John Green

13 Little Blue Envelopes-Maureen Johnson

Otherwise Engaged-Eileen Goudge

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New Book

I just started reading This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen and so far I am loving it. Even if it’s the middle of winter it makes you feel like it’s summer. This book is amazing and so far I have a book list of things I want to read. So if anyone has any recommendations on what to read please let me know!

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Movie Reviews

I saw Awake this weekend… I thought it had a good plot and it had twists and turns that kept my interest.I was not expecting the ending to go in that direction.

30 days of night-that movie was not at all what I was expecting. I think for the most part it could have been better.

I had a pretty good weekend! I went to joanns and I got photo boxes which i needed because i’m starting to think that a life of photography would be nice. I’d like to try my hand at seeing the world threw a telephoto lens. And I would like to open my own company. I am on the look for models. And I am looking to gain as much experience as I possiably can.

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Annoyances

When I was younger I believed that all people were equal and it never mattered how other people see us but how we saw ourselfs. Now I realize I was sort of foolish to believe that now I think how others see us make us who we are. We judge ourselfs based on what they think of us. I was lucky enough to never give a crap what people thought. I think that comes from my mom. I realize that in my life I am better off without some people.And I’ll be just fine without them. I was never really close to My older sister hell I can’t hardly remember a happy memory. And I can’t remember a happy memory at all with my sperm doner of a dad. So I guess it’s just best to say goodbye to that side of my life and continue on being just as happy I was before.:) I’m ok with acting like they don’t exist after all these years it’s what I’m used to. For some odd reason the song Over You comes to mind. esp the lines “Well, I never saw it coming.I should’ve started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I’d doubt you,I’m better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I’m slowly getting closure.I guess it’s really over.I’m finally getting better.And now I’m picking up the pieces.I’m spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.’Cause the day I thought I’d never get through,
I got over you.”
*Over you-Chris Daughtry

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Alone

Hello Fellow Bloggers,

I’m starting to feel more alone then ever. I feel like my friends and family don’t have quite as much time for me as I would like. Normally I would not complain about this kind of thing but it’s been a long time coming. Although I gave realtionship advice to a complete stranger today so that makes me feel pretty good.:) New friends are great but when you live in a town where 99.9% of people are stuck up it’s not very easy to make friends.And you manage to utter a hello they look at you like you’re insane! And since I am neither insane nor stuck up living here is kind of made me an outcast which makes me feel as if I am back in HS

And I have to deal with an older sister who can only be compared to (lord voldermort) yes she is that bad! and yes that was a harry potter joke. She has several things in common with him for starters she preys on the innocent and weak and when people have had enough..she continues to ruin lives and take away everything that you or anyone else has ever worked for.* I swear I am not makeing this up* Only if you knew her I guess. It’s lucky for me that your family does not always reflect who you are.

In my case I’m thankful! I was able to escape that life with a few bumps and bruises. And I’ve bounced back up to be an even better person. Who they can’t seem to tear down. I am only stronger and more wise. 🙂

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